the walk

Saturday, May 26, 2007 T: 22 16

I was walking to the cinema just 3 days ago, to catch the last of the Pirates trilogy, yet not at all anticipating what the movie will be like. Instead, I found myself lost in the music from my earphones. My heart became lighter. There was that little adrenaline rush to my legs, to walk in beat with the beat of the song trickling into my ears. My footsteps became more energetic, livelier. I seemed to be prancing to the cinema, with that certain excitement and zeal, resisting that urge to do a tap dance of my own. I can not pin-point the reason. It’s needless anyway.

I paused after that split second, suddenly painfully aware that I’m in a world with real people around me, not my own fantasy world. I tried to contain my enthusiasm. After all, people could be watching, wondering what the hell that fellow is doing, deducing that sanity of that person. There are eyes all around. I began to walk as per usual again.

But it hit me the very next moment. Why should I even bother? Why should I restrain myself because of that several people whose names I do not even know? What makes me think they bother anyway? I should be who I am. I don’t think God would be displeased at the manner that I walk, the image that I present to others, especially when I do not have a ‘Christian’ sign tagged to my back. And in that instance of time, I felt that breath of life refreshing me. I thrive on that feeling of exhilaration and elation. At the point of time, I felt empowered to do anything, felt that sense of total freedom and complete liberation. Let the sky fall on me, and it would act as a blanket for me. I started skipping around again, did a little spinning of my own, and found myself in the cinema soon enough, rejuvenate and ready to watch the show.

Maybe this is why I like being alone so much. I love the lack of pressure. Because when I’m alone, I never have to worry about embarrassing others. I don’t have to be concerned about keeping others entertained. I don’t have to be pressured to talk, to break those walls of silence. I thrive on that freedom, the needlessness to accountable to anyone save for God and God alone. From young I have taught myself to be immune to others’ comments about me, for if my conscience is clear, who can tear me apart? For if my God is for me, then who can be against me? I’m not capable of ignoring everything of course. I am human after all. I love praises and hate criticism. But what after all is the value of Man’s approval, mundane glorification? How much after all is Man’s remarks worth? Nothing, if I may boldly declare. I can boast in nothing, except for my own disgrace, for it shows the glory and power of the Cross.

With such attitude, I wonder I can proceed far in my career anyway. Certainly, I’ll never be a sycophant. But the pursuit of that too, together be material wealth, is also a chasing after the wind. I pray for contentment and satisfaction.

It feels good to be able to express oneself freely. I know I never could dance beautifully. But I can dance, and the ability to do so is already a gift of God. Let no man be able to stop me to enjoy such a gift. I wished that moment will never end. But it’s in that short spam of 5 minutes walking to the cinema I found myself once more. It’s that during that fleeting moment, I found happiness. I laughed out loud then. I think I’m heard then. I don’t think they’ll understand, nor do I really care either.

One day, I’ll run through my school half shouting in ecstasy.

If we are the body

Sunday, May 20, 2007 T: 14 54 STAR

Every mundane beginning has an end. PUNJ will too has its last official meeting this Sunday. Come next Sunday, the entire youth ministry will be integrated into STAR. I hope I could still be considered as a youth of course, but not anymore. The abbreviation has received some objections naturally, but it’s just a name anyway. It’s funny how I have pass out from YF to somewhat go back there again. I suppose it’s all part of God’s plan.

From a more idealistic and optimistic view, the change could be useful. Frankly speaking, it is just a small change in my opinion, and yet it may be able to solve the transition dropouts that have plagued the ministry for the past few years. The ministry would be more united in some sense, and YF and PUNJ would not be so divided as it is before. Leaders-wise, I think there would be a lot of things to be worked out course, since the older ones definitely will do more in-dept bible studies than the young ones.

I think since the church elders have come out with such a plan, the onus is on us as older seniors to make it work out. We hate to be removed from our comfort zones. We always do. The challenge for us as Christians inspired by Christ’s work on the cross is whether we are able to portray a little of that love Christ has displayed. I remember when I begin hanging out with the older PUNJ people, I’m always encouraged how often our conversations relate to the Word of God, the ministry of God, about fellow brothers and sisters and how we can do to help them in their daily walk, theology and academic opinions to probably the greatest literature on Earth. No, the Bible is something more than literature. It is life itself. Will we be able to do that? Will I be able to do that?

I was once a youth. Perhaps for me, I began thinking about God from a young age, perhaps because of what I have went through in my life. For many, I don’t think religion is very much attractive at that age, and such is not helped by the peer pressure in their schools and elsewhere. But I think at the very least, they are grounded in the gospel and finally when they really stop and rest for a moment in this hectic world, they could remember and understand how really God has been providing and the power of the Cross.

Some of course are concerned about the ‘politics’ that’s involved. I suddenly become very much aware of this word these several months. Come to think about it, I don’t think it’s really something to worry about, because it’s almost everywhere. Maybe among the youths, it would seem more evident because they may lack the understanding the Word, if I may boldly suggest. In reality, the external politics can seem to be more stumbling than these youthful ones, when one see the power struggle even among churches, between elders and pastors would have proclaimed themselves Christians, and even the involvement of church in country’s politics. As much as we may like to run away from it, to avoid it even, it is very real and very much present. Certainly if the church has no power in America’s politics, I wouldn’t doubt if gay marriage is legislated right away. Are we able to inspire others to lead more godly lives? I guess we all are struggling. I seriously am, but at least I try to do something, at the very least not to stumble other Christians. That would be the worst thing to do.

How pertinent it is for Rev John Ting today to speak about knowing God and knowing about God, to preach about how the knowledge of God should parallel proactive Christian love. A lot of us Christians, we all know out stuff. We know the Law. We know the gospels. We know the Epistles. Are we able to put them into practice? Are we able to lead selfless lives that God has called us to live? This is nothing new isn’t it? We don’t do all these because of this integration. It is just part of our 24/7 worship, except that now we are given a chance to involve others as well.

We are after all the body.

Sunday, May 06, 2007 T: 16 18

Why do we like a certain brand of clothes, a specific type of food, a certain cuisine, a certain football club? Why do we like a certain actor/actress, a certain genre of movies and music, a certain director? In one way or another, we can each come up with an entire list of reasons to answer questions like these. Yet it’s funny how these answers sometimes seem just to serve to convince ourselves more, not others, others with their own particular sets of likes and dislikes.

Why do like a certain someone? One could tell oneself it’s the looks, the personality, the character, the mannerism and fail totally to convince another. Perhaps there’s a certain innate stubbornness in us, that when we settled on something or someone, there’s not much space for turning back. Those educated in biology may suggest a reason genetic-related, further determined by experience, by environment. In a way, that pretty much not leave any free choice left. I want to believe that we all have though.

I’m proud to be able to say that I listen to a very wide genre of music, from heavy metal to rock to pop to jazz to classical. Maybe that’s because I choose to believe that there’s beauty in everything, just that sometimes we could not see it when others do. There is beauty in a plastic bag just gliding around in the wind, beauty in the structure and anatomy of just a simple leaf, beauty in the muscular movements of a tiger sprinting to catch its prey, something perhaps the director of American Beauty wants to show. And as a Christian, I think it is a challenge for me to see beauty in everyone, to see beyond physical appearances, to be not reduced to mere superficiality, just like music.

I think sometimes there’s just no absolute reason for a way of thinking, a way of looking at things, a like for something or someone. We can name a hundred answers, and may find majority of them does not make sense when we look closer. Maybe that’s what make the world more confusing, but maybe that’s what make life more interesting, when we stop to appreciate the many different perspectives and opinions of the same thing. After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, a cliché as it is, but it does form some basis of the concept of soul-mates, that there is always a certain someone, and in today’s highly liberal and crazy world, it does have some consoling effect.