true love

I’ve dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons, finally content with the past I regret. I find u find strength in your moments of weakness, once I have peace with myself. I’ve been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long, I’m moving on…’

I lived in the place and I know all the faces each one is different but they are always the same. They mean me no harm but it’s time that I face it they never allow me to change…’

‘I’m moving on at last I can see. Life has been patiently waiting for me and I know there’s no guarantee but I’m not alone. There comes a time in everyone’s life when all u can see are the years passing by and I have made my mind that those days are gone…’

‘I sold what I could and packed what I couldn’t stop to feel love on my way out of town. I’ve loved like I should but live like I shouldn’t. I’ve have to lose everything to find out maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere on this world. I’m moving on…’


Sunday, 17 July 2005 T: 20 47…

I am but a mere sixteen year old, immature, childish and foolish, and perhaps will continue to be, if not increasingly, in time to come. Yet in this period so short a time relative to the age of many other adults, I seem to feel I’ve gone through a hell lot. I feel so tired at times, tired and exhausted with the never-ending hectic life, a life filled with sin and acts of condemnation. I feel sick of the environment that I’m living in, the state of the world, which seems to lack God.

The world that we’re living in is a depraved one, a world of sin, and a world that would have been condemned by God if not for His grace. At times, I even wonder if there’s no such thing called the Bible, no intervention of God, will humanity ever realise a thing called good? Or will the world, simply inclined towards sin and rebellion, be totally sinful and lightless. The world is just a community of rebels to its Creator, never ceasing to want to escape from the rule of God, never ceasing to attempt to make rules for itself, defining justice in its own way. Can a blame-worthy man ever manage to create justice? I doubt so.

Look at the UN, with its endless boasting about the peace it has brought about. Sure, in some places, the peacekeeping troops have prevented the worsening of a conflict to violence and armed hostility. Yet it’s in these same areas of where ‘peace’ prevails, many young girls are left defiled and raped by the soldiers. Captured prisoners are tortured, at times under the disguise of retrieving information, for the amusement of officers and the soldiers. So much for justice…

Terrorism too is a very real thing in the condemned world today. In the past, terrorism is only much against leaders and high-ranking officers but now, it aims to strike fear into the public by massacring the innocent! Countries struggle to build up their internal security, yet to what extent can the public be protected. All it takes is one man with a bag containing a few homemade bombs, thrown in a dustbin and the result will be disastrous. The 911 incident is only the beginning, and the most recent London bombing will never be the last. Even a small country like Singapore can only do the maximum by sending armed forces to patrol stations and busy areas. And even so, how can the troopers know whom to look for? All it takes is a weapon to blow a hole in the MRT line and the public transport system will be reduced to chaos, causing the country to lose millions in GNP. Can Man will their ‘brilliant’ human wisdom do much to stop the sins of the world? Even the very government itself may be corrupted.

The harsh reality is that the world revolves around money. With money, you can do everything. With resources, you have nothing to fear. Even charitable organizations now spend their time imploring for funds. And sadly NKF does that through even lying to the public. So much for charity…

The world from beginning to the end has been totally immersed in sin. Yet the expression of it has grown alarmingly over the years. The people living 1000 years ago would probably never fathom a world that actually legalised gay marriages, a world that engaged in prostitution like trading and forms of investments. Once it was the difference between moral people and those who are immoral. Now there are amoral people who seem not have any conscience, who have no sense of morals, who engage in bestiality and necrophilism (Can you believe it? Homosexuality is bad enough!), who believe so much in liberalism and freedom of choice. They have the freedom all right, and together with it come judgement! A friend was telling me last night how a pub/disco only make it compulsory for guys to pay (on the basis that the disco want more girls to come in order to attract the guys). No, he’s not complaining about inequality, but wonders about how ironic it is for girls to enjoy these benefits when they are simply cheapening themselves!

At times, I am thankful to be a guy; at least I do not have to be involved in Girl World, which I feel to be horrendous. The nature of that world seems to be that full of gossip and backstabbing, full of slanders and pretence. At least between guys, a battle would just be a fistfight landing both in hospitals, though miraculously, they would still be friends. Between girls however, a battle is like a fight in the darkness. I’m not of course saying that women are condemned. I’m just describing what I’ve come to know and see so far (usually end up sick and tired of it, if not helpless). Indeed, it’s not easy for a Christian woman to stay faithful and live a life worthy of the gospel in that chaotic world (I watch Mean Girls), not that it’s any easy for guys at times. I do feel that company is very important and significant, and a Christian ought to have a group of biblical, God-fearing friends for edification and mutual encouragement, so that they may not fall away from the salvation of God. (Hebrews 5)

Christians that some proclaim to be, yet how contradictory it appears when they do not at all seem to be renewed by the Holy Spirit and created in Him to do good works. A Christian is not just one who goes to church; even more so not just a temporal state which only appears during church services. It is however, a person who trusts and believes in the works of Jesus Christ, acknowledging He who has risen as Saviour and Lord, and this is evidenced by his thoughts and actions and he will persevere to the end.

A few months ago, a song named Hope by Twisted made it up to the top of British song charts. Several months ago, Black Eyed peas shoot to fame when their single ‘Where is the love’ hit the charts. And when the movie ‘Forrest Gump’ or other TV serials attempting to evoke sympathy of the viewers by using characters of a simple-minded personality and yet make it big in the world received compliments and delight of the viewers, it is not without reason. Perhaps people always dream of a world where intelligence and physical beauty are no longer the key ingredients to success, not at all demanded of the world, and these movies and shows fulfil their ideal dream world – one of perfection and total equality. Yet they all know the world, in real tangible life, will not be like that. It will be vicious and aggressive, swallowing up those who attempt to go against it. Songs like the above gave encouragement, and hope, at least just enough to last through another day.

Throughout our lives, I would like to think that there’s still something that will keep us from going against our conscience – that innate righteous and goodness. Love is that very something and as much as it sounds mushy or amusing, our lives as humans pretty revolve around that. We all long for company and friends, definitely seldom loneliness. Perhaps love is mainly our motivation to live; it’s something that gives life meaning. This love appears in several forms – in Greek, eros (sexual), philia (friends), agape (godly) and storge (family).

And of these four, which can better the finest form of agape shown through Jesus Christ? Who can every compare the love of God who send His son to death to our mere forms of human relationships? As what Paul wrote in his letters, it is rare enough for a man to die for a righteous person, how much more so it is for a righteous one to die for his enemies! And as sinners, we are totally aware that we are once under the wrath as God, defiant rebels we were!

There is still a hope in this world, a hope which is granted to us by grace, a hope which is undeserving, a hope that will deliver those who believe into state of rejoice and thankfulness in the Lord. Cliché it may sound, but Jesus Christ is our hope. The very essence of love is displayed in his character. Finally, who can separate us from the love of Christ? 38For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.