words

Sunday, February 10, 2008 T: 16 48

When I was young, I told everyone that I’ll rear dogs and cats in future. I was unhappy with my mother for not allowing me then. She mentioned that she also did have such a desire when she was young, but grew out of it by then. It was not exactly something I would have liked to hear then.

Now that I am older, I realized I was not as certain anymore, aware of the baggage that I would have to carry should I make that decision. Will I make it happy? Will I be willing to clean up after him? Do I have the time to care for him? All those declarations, proclamations that I have made when I was younger was propelled by nothing except foolishness. I think I might have to eat up my words.

Man is so fallible. We would always say things with almost absolute conviction, and that’s the end of it. Words meant nothing. They are free after all. No one is there to record it down. You don’t get penalized for saying things that you mean. Instead, if it is nice to hear, you will get rewarded. I tried to make it a habit of never saying yes. I use words like ‘probably’, ‘maybe’, ‘I think’. I don’t really like going back on my word. I mean in the end how can we be certain, how can we be sure? But when we hear those words, we see indecisiveness in the user.

We promise, freely sometimes, only to say sorry later. After all, apologies are free. Promises are free. It’s ironic sometimes when you hear how people use the word ‘promise’. “I promise to go to the mall with you.” “I promise to take you to the zoo.” Without using that word, will that statement be just a lie? Even if with that word, I think people will know it’s just a word, a sound made by our vocal chords. That’s about it.

That’s why paper is so important in this world. We have contracts, agreements, and wills drawn up and signed so that we can be held accountable. Words by mouth can’t do that. That said, I wonder if marriage vows in the end mean anything at all, or rather they are just part a ritual which would make the ceremony more complete and touching. Frankly speaking, I think what’s more important is the signing of documents during the ceremony, not really the vows. It’s paper that binds two people together. How pathetic is that?

I guess this is how the world works. I’m not complaining.

So much for ‘let your yes be a yes, and a no be a no’… But the subject here is Man, homo sapiens, not God.

cny

Thursday, February 07, 2008 T: 14 53

Today is the first day of Chinese New Year. In the past, when I take a trip downstairs, all the shops and stalls would have closed for the New Year. Now, the coffee-shop is open. Shop and Save is open. Instead of the Malays and Indians I expect to see running the show, there are Chinese too. If I take the public bus, I bet I’ll see Chinese drivers too, all only too eager to make use of the triple wage workday to get an additional red packet.

For the better or worse, when a country modernized, even perhaps Americanized, traditions are basically eroded away. Perhaps some understand that following past practices may not be exactly the smartest thing to do, especially in this heavily competitive world. There may still be customs that we may follow, but those are what that seems beneficial to us. There may be people who lament the loss of identity, but to me, the old has always to give way for the new. Our old traditions may have fallen apart, but there is always a new culture, and in it will contain bits of the old, a new culture that people would be willing to call their own.

When I see an Indian being cast as the God of Fortune in the Chinese New Year Celebration, I think I would want to believe that things have changed for the better.

responsibilities

Friday, February 01, 2008 T: 00 18

What if you are a parent finding yourself with a daughter born with leukemia and the only solution offered to you is to have another child in order to order his bone marrow?

What if you are that child who feels that the reason for your existence only just lies with your sister?

What if you are the sick girl who have been through all that years of medical treatment consisting of lots of needles and pain, years of knowing the amount of physical pain you have caused your sister to suffer, and now require a kidney from her?

And if you are the parent, would you encourage the transplant knowing that the success rate isn’t 100%?

In My Sister’s Keeper, Jodi Piccoult asks such questions, and offers a few perspectives to look at this issue. As I thought through them, I realize I’m really unable to answer, perhaps even rather to toss a coin to decide. Then again, would I even allow a coin toss to decide the fate of the people I love? There are no right and wrong. I wish there is, so that the world can be more certain, definite. There seem to be so many grey areas I find myself stumbling into as I grow up, along with all those tremendously difficult decisions I may have to make, answers to give. But maybe that’s what makes life more interesting. But this is the unexpected which I rather do without.

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. I wonder how many people in this world have failed to plan. Who has consider the work as a garbage collector in his plan? Who has considered the birth of a dying child in his family planning? Maybe if you tried to plan too much, accommodating to too many possible scenarios, you may ending up with nothing at all.

A while ago, there was an article about how an African couple seek treatment for their child who is born with very severe deformities (such as the lack of 4 limbs) so that the child might live longer. In it, I see nothing but pointlessness, if not cruelty. Why do you even want a child in this condition to live, only to be ostracized and shunned by society? At best, he can be fitted with robotic artificial limbs only to be some exhibition to show success in the medical field! Perhaps the responsibilities of parents involves not just ensuring the child’s survival, rather I think it includes learning to let go, to sometimes do what is needed to minimize the pain and suffering. Would you then abort a child born with an additional chromosome – Down’s syndrome? When I asked a friend, I got a very certain affirmative for an answer. But I can’t help but feel that the decision would be much harder after seven months of pregnancy, excited and ecstatic anticipation? After all, could we bear to live with self-reproach for the rest of our lives, attempting to convince ourselves that our decision is a right one?

Would you pull the plug of a close person after 1 year of coma or continue to bear the financial burden for the rest of your life? Would you agree to DNR after suffering on the hospital bed for weeks?

These are questions we don’t really ask. They do not exactly encourage us, but rather causes us to live more in apprehension if we become overly concerned about them. We all hope for the best, pray that we won’t be put in such positions.

When I was young, my world was made up of the black and white. Now the grey areas seem to be spreading faster than ever. Decisions which I would never hesitate making in the past are decisions which I would not spend hours pondering over and not come to an answer. For the bold and the optimistic, they choose to move on in search of a greater happiness they think would come to them. For me, I think I’m a coward.