truth?

What is truth? What is falsehood? Sometimes, both are just separated by a thin line. I look at my life, at least my past, and i wonder if i've been living a life of lies and deceit. Taking on different identities in response to the different circumstances, i can't realise which is which is the real me. Just like Prince Kheldar in David Eddings' series, the real and exact person of Kheldar can no longer be found. The Bible as presented to us is truth. It's God's word. That cannot be denied. Yet this, like every other literature text, are interpreted in so many ways that one do not know which is the correct one. The same group of people that believes in the Bible is divided into so many denominations each having their own practices and other beliefs - the charismatics, the presbytarians, the methodists, even the catholics as well as the muslims with their Koran that coincides with half the Bible. Which is real? No one seems to know. Some find themselves searching throughout their lives for God's spirit, others dwell in His word and just study the book. A person who claim to have experienced God (that God talks to him) is rebuked by another with the reason that it's just all in his mind. The same book in the Bible has about 100 commentaries arguing about different points. What is then right?

The Matrix is a highly intellectual and philosophical movie. (not the 2 sequence of movies but the first one) It is influenced by a philosopher named Sophie who questioned how do we know if the world that we are living in is fact and not a dream? We don't isn't it?

Then there is the modern age, when people begin interpret text literally and logically, first from the circumstances of the writer and then applying it to our lives. I wonder how logic is defined. Then come post-modernism when people understand text by what the text seems to say to them, and not the actual meaning and context as once applied to the author. With this impending fad, i wonder how world culture is going to change. Is the truth of the Bible at sake? Or rather, is the truth of the Bible traditional theologists once assumed and interpreted (e.g. Calvin) going to be replaced by something that's seems baseless and illogical?

It seems that everything we do, everything we think, revolves around faith, something that's definitely not proven by Science. Somehow, it seems that this faith is what that gives purpose and meaning to our lives. By faith, i believe the chair that i'm sitting on will bear my weight. Similarly, by faith, i believe that the Bible is true. By the same faith, i believe in the living Savior and by faith through grace, i believed that i'll be with the Lord when my time has come. By this same faith, i trust that i'll be vindicated on that very day.

dreams

Tuesday, 28 June 2005 T: 20 57

Eros expresses itself in many ways, eros that is defined as attraction. I always listen in amazement to accounts of guys going all out to pursue the girl of their dreams, declaring and proclaiming boldly, and somehow, some if not many find success.

Others are more passive, just staying in the background, gratified to see that someone from far, though secretly wishing more. They do not go out to her, do not initiate much, but make use of all opportunities to get closer, cherishing every such moment, understanding and knowing they will be indelible, and continue to be a delight in the darkest of days ahead.

Then, there is another group who dream, hope and pray, continuing to fantasise, wondering if they are best described by the word ‘voyeur’. They long to talk to her, long to be near, yet at the same time do not wish to be. Every split second spent in her presence is a luxury at present, but will be a torment in time to come. The yearn and those long solitary nights filled with thoughts of her is too much a torture to bear, perhaps not exactly worth that few minutes of simple pleasure. They look at her from far, eager to capture the image in her mind, wallowing in hopelessness and despair when they can’t. They find them constantly in that dilemma (to be or not to be), but timid and shy as they are, chooses the path of the escapist, resorting to the comfort of reveries and fantasies, taking refuge in their own fool’s paradise.

*I want to be single, but struggle to be. *

on pastoring and parenting

Saturday, 18 June 2005 T: 14 57 On Pastoring and Parenting

As one listen to the detailed and heartfelt sermon of Joshua Ng, marvelling at how he can articulate points in such a simple, comprehensible and concise manner, he or she could fail to imagine that this brilliant speaker was in a total nervous wreck a while ago – scribbling and sweating anxiously. Christopher Chia, a speaker who many can describe as one full of charisma and confidence, is once criticised as a speaker who would not make it. Indeed, one wonders about the source of this strength and ability. It could only be from God. He who is holy and righteous and wise is at work.

Some attribute such transformation to experience. To deny this will be a blunder on my part. But this experience aided the speaker by increasing conviction and confidence is the gospel, and isn’t this the work of the Holy Spirit as well? Like Pastor Joshua and many other preachers, who do not feel the butterflies in the stomach when having to speak to a congregation made up of all kinds of people, even including senior ministers as well? But on stage, somehow, God is present, making use of his faithful servants, allowing these butterflies to flutter out of his mouth. Speakers like that are often very encouraged by the praises from members of the congregation, though they know it is by the grace of God. Nonetheless, I would like to suggest that they will even be more motivated when the listeners put what they taught into practice, into their daily lives, that they will live lives more pleasing to God.

The last service of church camp was indelible. I’ll never forget the last words of pastor Ng on stage, never forget him talking about his family and children, never forget that he was choking, on the verge of tears, when recalling his youngest son’s earnest prayer for him. Such, in my humble opinion, is the true mark of a great man. He need not be on top of the career ladder, rich and mighty and influential. He who is wise in God’s eyes is the one who loves God, his wife, his children, and his family. Are we willing to give up our work for our families, not to mention God? Few would say yes, including bible believers.

Evelyn is right. The reason for deteriorating attitude and behaviour in today’s kids and youths is simply because parents do not spend sufficient time with their children (or perhaps teaching them the wrong values). Current parents, preoccupied and totally caught up with their career (btw, career is a pagan concept), abandon their sons and daughters to maids, in childcare centers, schools, even churches. They question the schools, the centres for the atrocious behavior of their children, never once looking at their own roles in parenting. They rid their guilt by showering children with toys, material and money, not realising they are the ones causing the materialistic nature of their kids. Ask a toddler if he prefer his parents to play with him, or more toys? (This is basically a rhetorical question.) Parents scream, “Hey, I’m providing for the family!” But are they providing for themselves or really for their families? Putting it in a less confronting way, are they providing parental love or just material comfort? As Christians, are we willing to be godly parents, or just some mobile ATM machines? I know I’m probably writing to non-married adults, but what kind of parent would you want to be when you grow up? Like what Evelyn has mentioned, spending time with children will only be a short while; eight years or so? After that, they will much prefer the company of their own friends. But these eight years is very precious. The type of children that is brought up will be very dependent on that.

Oh well. I’m just a kid.

wisdom

Wednesday, 15 June 2005 T: 22 46

I never thought I receive so much spiritual wisdom in a week. From the previous Wednesday to now, I listen to 11 sermons by various preachers – namely Jack Fish, Christopher Chia, Phillip Jenson and Joshua Ng – as well as 3 sessions of bible studies led by Kevin.

In this midst of intellectual theological knowledge that I have accumulated, somehow, I do question the source of motivation for my continuously yearning to know more. Is it really for the Lord? It seems I can’t be sure. Perhaps as mature Christians (not that I’m praising myself, for godly wisdom is inherited from God), we often thought ourselves as being cut above the rest – the weaker – and perhaps eventually became foolishly arrogant and over-confident. As much as how we would like to see our gaining theological knowledge as part of the objective to be more deeply in Christ, we must also acknowledge that sin may lead us otherwise. We must be cautious and watch ourselves carefully, being slow to point out the mistakes in others, but readily be able to eliminate the sins in our lives. With our acquired wisdom, we should always thank God and teach others too, and help others in their Christian walk.

Even if we have wisdom, the point is if we use it at all, if we put it into practice into our daily lives, discerning between good and evil, doing the right thing, or become like Pharisees, proclaiming the wisdom of God hypocritically, living lives full of evil and sin. As Christians who understand the gospel and the Lord’s salvation plan, why do we still hanker after profits, struggling to climb up the ladder of success, in pursuit of our ambitions and careers, almost idolising money, despite the fact that we know from God’s words all these is but a chasing after the wind? Why do parents undergo means and ways to get their children to the top schools, discipline them to get perfect grades, and not at all concern in inculcating in them the correct values, as well as faith in God as well? Why do Christian parents yearn for their kids to get their success in life, but places in second place whether or not they will get to heaven? Does this make sense? Where is our faith put in in the first place? Is it in simple, worldly material? I can’t help but wonder…

We claimed and proclaimed to be believers, yet our lives do not reflect it. And with that, I can’t help but wonder if that proclamation is just an empty, baseless and unjustified statement; maybe we are not even believers, just people who claim to be! Even among Christians, we find divorcee rate increasing higher and higher, when Paul preaches in his letters that such is not allowed. We concocted reasons and excuses to get out of the marriage, blaming and cursing the other party, instead of admitting our very own mistakes, and reflecting upon our faults. We find partners who are non-Christians, turning a deaf ear to the Word that say that we are not allowed to, even twisting facts and truth. We hunger and search for outward appearance when looking for boyfriends/girlfriends. Godliness and faithfulness of a person become a secondary attribute. In the end, blinded by our infatuations, if not lust, we marry, and later finding difficult in submitting or loving each other. When the wisdom of God is ignored, replaced by the folly of man, there can only be consequences of pain and sorrow, and when that happens, don’t we deserve it?

Marriage is a bond shared by a couple for life. I dare say that it is a very serious thing and not to be taken lightly. We should always be cautious and detailed when looking for a partner. I’m not telling you to be picky and all. But at the end of the day, the partner that you are looking for is whom you must love or submit. This is especially important for women, since they have to submit to their husbands. It’s difficult enough submitting to a Christian one, then how about one who full of sin and foolishness! I dare say that looking for an ideal partner is not easy. Outward appearance is not significant of course, but godliness and faithfulness is a trait I would like to think almost extinct in this fallen world. (Maybe I’m exaggerating, but I myself am not one). Yet when such a couple is together, there can only be love and happiness, a perfect illustration to the marriage of Christ to the church. In Proverbs, the last few chapters of the book describe the life a wife ought to lead. The rest of the book is for the men. I know it’s impossible. (Haha) Amusingly, in Singapore, statistics reveal that Christian women outnumber Christian men 3:1. What are the implications of this? Shrug… I don’t really know. (Fellow brothers, in love of our sisters, evangelise to men more?)

I think, at the end of the day, be it a single or a married person, we do suffer everyday. One may think, when looking at Christians who are so well off, so affluent and wealthy, having a family which seems to be full of happiness and joy, how will such a person suffer? To him I shall say, this is a fallen world, we are all depraved people, we will all struggle with sin. No matter how rich and wealthy he is, he will still struggle with his own sin, and that is suffering. This seems so unfair. Why some people suffer less than the rest? Since when the world is ever fair, not as long as there is sin, but when we suffer, we should remember God and his promise, persevere in him, and take joy in our sufferings, for it will humble and all this is for the glory of God.