in the days to come

Saturday, September 23, 2006 T: 14 51

I told myself I’ll return to my studies after finishing this entry. I’m not sure however if I’m able to sustain such a commitment. Already the 42 days left to the A level examination has seen an acceleration towards peak velocity in the revision in many, and yet in that minimal few, very much including me, there seems to be that unspoken confidence and assurance that there is still plenty of time, the discomforting calm composure that everything will still turn out to be all right. To top it off, there is no source or basis for such assurance, not with prelim grades close to failing.

Yet I think I’ve concerned myself in business greater away for academic work. School ends early for me and a couple others to begin bridging sessions that lasts till night. The coziness of my sofa in the mrc room creates a never ending temptation to rest and sleep my entire life away. The deterioration in morale, enthusiasm, passion of my fellow juniors often holds priority over any concerns about my academic progress. I wish I could do something to possible ignite that flame of passion, yet I know it is very much up to the individual, the members of the committee which I have helped to chose. I’m disappointed at the superficial relationships among them, yet at the same time feel so helpless and useless. And indeed, I’m very much confident that they will continue to do a good job, satisfactory at the very least to the public eye. Yet I think my zeal in this cca arises not only from the satisfaction gained from a job well done, but also from the relationships forged with my grand-seniors, my seniors, my crew, my juniors and to some extent my teachers. A crew held by tolerance and not acceptance can get a job done, yet for what greater purpose I ask? You know what’s ironic? I spend my four years of my secondary school life cca-less.

The next 42 days will a greater range of emotions from students across the entire cohort. For the J1s, it will be a desperation to do well for promos and be promoted, and a period for jubilation and exhilaration after that, saved for several outcry from the leaders destined for the C-Cab camp. For the J2s, it will be a building up of nervousness and tension reaching a climax right before November 3. Definitely, the last 4 weeks before prelims will see an atmosphere of increasing apprehension and worries, and as I sit here writing with many thoughts running through my mind, wondering whether the goal of 4As is still a visible one, knowing somewhat that I’ll be able to keep myself really relaxed and calm until the very last day before ‘A’ levels. For me at least, that’s just a tiny glimpse of hell.