grey areas, just something to think abt

“Danny Archer: Sometimes I wonder... will God ever forgive us for what we've done to each other? Then I look around and I realize... God left this place a long time ago.”

“Danny Archer: So you think because your intentions are good, they'll spare you, huh?
Benjamin Kapanay: My heart always told me that people are inherently good. My experience suggests otherwise. But what about you, Mr. Archer? In your long career as a journalist, would you say that people are mostly good?
Danny Archer: No. I'd say they're just people.
Benjamin Kapanay: Exactly. It is what they do that makes them good or bad. A moment of love, even in a bad man, can give meaning to a life. None of us knows whose path will lead us to God.”

Sometimes, I really want to believe that there is an innate good in men, that there is a little spark that can will us to overcome our own selfishness and greed. I really want to believe that if given a choice, we would choose light instead of darkness. I want to believe that there is a certain conscience in us which can will us to accept the general revelation given to us. I want to believe that there has to be a place between Calvin and Wesley’s theologies that will enable us to choose without compromising God’s sovereignty. But even so, if that is possible, will man choose to seek God or just fulfill his self-indulgent desires?

As I watch Blood Diamond, made aware of the atrocities that were being executed, I could almost give up any hope of the existence of goodness in men. Though it is just a movie, the travesties portrayed in the 2 hour show are not just baseless exaggerations. I could not fathom how adults can make use of children to fight their war, brainwashing them in order to gain an advantage – after all, if you and I are humans, we would hesitate before pumping a bullet in their chests. They are just children; they do not know what the hell they are doing. It gives a chilling meaning to the word ‘infant-ry’ isn’t it? Neither can I really know how much help, if any, have the rich nations provide to the poor African countries. Globalization as a means to help these countries get out of the poverty cycle appears to be nothing more than a mere front to hide their agenda of getting more natural resources. Do those politicians really care about the life or death of the third world nations? They claim that they are providing employment, those MNCs, sounding as if they are some kind of philanthropists. But in reality, did they not benefit millions because they pay meager wages for the labor, because the resources gotten from these countries can be value-added by a few times? Do the weapon industries and arm dealers in the western countries really care who they are selling their weapons to, and what they are used for, when they can very well expand their markets and survive, if not thrive, in the highly competitive economic world? Perhaps to the diamond industries, conflict diamonds are no different than non-conflict ones. Every second of our lives, people murder each other. Civil wars till today are no rare sights. Why do we kill each other? Like Danny Archer, I tried to imagine what God would feel when He sees his creation massacring each other, when he first sees how Cain killed Abel? It must be heart-wrenching; He must have been grief-stricken.

But I cannot overlook the fact that billions of dollars are still poured out to help the poor nations all the same, despite the fact that a considerable fraction of it disappears due to corruption. I can see how countries are more than willing to send in peace-keeping forces to stifle civil unrest, to prevent war from breaking out, allowing diplomatic talks to proceed. I can see how much foodstuffs America and China are sending to North Korea, to relieve the famine and food shortage that the people there suffer, although they may not very much agree with the style of government in that country. I cannot ignore the fact that millions of dollars are given to help other nations recover from natural disasters. In the end, I found myself more confused than ever regarding the human condition. Should the west intervene? Are not the people glad to see when foreigners step into their land to prevent further bloodshed?

I look at myself, my own life and each very individual. Am I not always inclined for be first concerned for my own needs, my welfare and my being? When I help others, do I not first think about the trouble I would have to go through, and desire at the very least for my help to be known to others? Do I not feel the pinch first when I give? Is my first inclination selfish and thus sinful? I am after all quick to anger, to be frustrated and irritated, but slow to forgive and to be patient. I am quick to criticize, to scold but slow to praise and compliment. Can anyone dare say he will always put the concerns of others first?

But the world is not as cold-hearted as it seems although populated by millions who will initially think of themselves first. There are employers who rather hire people who are disabled, whose health isn’t as fit as a normal person. When SARS break out, did we not see a bunch of healthcare workers, doctors and nurses boldly serve their patients? Do we not see people who are more than willing to pledge a sum of money to NKF each month? And these people, they are all from different backgrounds, of different religions, faiths and beliefs. Although my first thought when I decide to help others is how I will be inconvenienced, I still carry on helping others.

We are all under sin, lost in our own transgressions, but God has revealed to everyone what Packer called ‘general revelation’. And so do we have an innate idea of what’s good and what’s bad, and thus be able to do good despite being suppressed by our sin?

In a novel, that was this following dialogue Guo Jing has with the Khan who wanted to conquer more land.

GJ: When people die, how much land they occupy?

Khan: (hesitated before pointing to an area with his hand) only like that

GJ: Then what’s the point of conquering so much land now, and killing so many people at the same time?

In the same way, what’s the point of gaining so much possession, so many certificates, so much money, and so much power? When will we realize this and stop killing each other? It’s ironic how Man seems only to be able to comprehend this on his deathbed? I wonder how many people begin to believe in the existence of God when they are near death. Maybe it’s only when we are dying, we become aware of the meaningless of the mundane materials we have placed so much emphasis on; it’s only when we are dying will we seek God. In that sense, maybe death has some kind of evangelical function after all. Am I selfish to believe in God because he gives me eternal life? I mean if one day Jesus is to tell me that he won’t promise me eternal life, will I love him and do what he has commanded me? Difficult question, isn’t it?

In a very recent newspaper article, Singaporeans has rated ‘love’ as their favorite word over ‘money’ etc. Maybe deep down inside, we as humans still know what is valuable to us, but why seldom do our words and deeds reflect this knowledge?

During church camps, weekly church services, PUNJ services, it’s encouraging to be in the midst of a multitude singing and praising God, what my pastor would call ‘a taste of heaven’. I like to imagine such scenes from an omnipotent point of view. But when I zoom out to see the greater world, I could not help but feel the despair of the terrible reality out there. I see people just struggling to stay alive, to not feel hungry. Do they even have the heart to listen to the gospel? Look at the children who will almost eat anything they can find. I could almost hear a sarcastic and weak whisper from each of them. ‘God? Look around you, and you tell me where is God?’ I feel that certain helplessness, aware of my own inabilities, and insufficiencies to change the world, to make this world a better place.

In this terrible, terrible world, there are so many grey areas which I cannot decide upon a stand. There are people who step out to help, yet at the same time, there are people turn a blind eye to people of their own kind. Is it what they do that makes them good or bad? I do not know. But looking at my environment, I see punky-looking youngsters helping the elderly board the bus, I see strangers helping little children up when they fall, I see passengers volunteering to pay for the bus fares of helpless students who just lost their wallets, I see people who make it a point to donate blood once they can do it, and other little acts of kindness everyday. There is love and goodness in this world, and the realization of this is indeed heartening.