foolishness

Tuesday, July 31, 2007 T: 22 11

One can always see the little acts of kindness happening around us, touched and surprised at the sparks of goodness, only to turn around in the next moment to see the harsh and competitive other side of reality. Sometimes, it gets really disappointing to see the utter selfishness and self-righteousness dominant in our society. Working relationships can seem to be just supported by pillars of hypocrisy, pretence and sycophantism. Personal attacks could happen all the time, found in almost perpetual gossiping and criticism. People never fail to leap to conclusions to condemn, to put down a person, often based on that few moments’ experience, that few seconds of sight. And to make matters worse, why does that world seems to welcome such behavior?

Why will people not feel guilty in exploiting the weak, in taking advantage of others? We all progress in our wealth, our knowledge, our education, but seem to have digressed in our humanity, our morals. I tried hard not to contribute to gossip, but have I not an avid interest in idle talk? Similarly, have I not found myself perpetrator of the crime – to criticize and to judge – even though I absolutely hate it when I’m the victim?

People always say that the government is ‘f*** up’, or the army is ‘f*** up’ (quoting what I always heard), full of unproductive policies and instructions, causing a great loss of man-hours and tax-payers’ money. But I think the organizations is as screwed up as almost everyone on this planet, and the policies are held in place only to prevent others from taking advantage, in the end creating what we consider to be an ineffective system. I thought about the inherent good or evil in humans in my previous entry, but I think it’s these several months in the army that my naïve perception of people got changed, made right. It’s disturbing to hear the self-centered concerns of people, to hear sometimes how even girls can be just simply reduced to beauty and breasts. I dare not say I have not lust, but the increasingly liberal society never fails to shock me. I keep reminding myself I’m a Christian, keep reminding myself I should not talk bad of others, I should always love, I should always be positive, and I know I keep struggling. I know a Christian friend who probably loves much more than me. At the same time, I see how he seems to be always taken advantage of. I never stop wondering why people have the heart to do it, never stop wondering if I’m going to be like that. When I go out to work, will it going to be like that too? Will it going to be worse?

I’m no angel; I am a sinner. I tried to be good because I hope that the world can see this bunch of people who believes in the life of Jesus Christ and see that inspired goodness in them. At the very least, this can be a motivation. But somehow, I realize this is so often not the case. By doing just a little bad, I have undone all that I tried to do. By being nice, those few friends of mine could get taken advantage of. Because not all people who claim to be Christians behave the same way. I don’t think the world is going to see Christians as some really nice people. Rather, what they see in that handful of people who do not walk along the paths of this world is perhaps a bunch of fools who have a little too much faith. Right now, people are questioning the foolishness of the group of South Koreans who went to Afghanistan to do both medical and missionary work. In the end, captured by the Taliban, the political world has been torn once again into chaos, and international tension has once again escalated. Some say that they are fools, that they should think of the implications before making such bold decisions, although they are fuelled by good will. And who can say they are fools? Perhaps the world. But to me, it is them who have the wisdom of the Lord – the love of God – to reach out into a chaotic nation. To me, even if they have lost their lives, who can say they have not touched the hearts of a minute minority? Who can say they have not pioneer the way for other Christians to follow in their footsteps? After all, God has a plan for Jim Elliot, although he did not even talk to the cannibals specifically. I believe that God has a plan, that He will not let his sons and daughters die in vain. Maybe it’s something we now could not see, but that’s only because we are not God. I think it will be my honor to be damned as a fool by the people in this world, if those people can start wondering why I choose to be a fool whether in the present or future. I think I can boast of nothing in this materialistic society, except in my own disgrace.

Poem of Promise

In the bulb there is a flower;

In the seed, an apple tree;

In the cocoons, a hidden promise;

Butterflies will soon be free!

In the cold and snow of winter

There’s a spring that waits to be,

Unrevealed until its season,

Something God alone can see.

There’s a song in every silence,

Seeking words and melody,

There’s a dawn in every darkness;

Bringing hope to you and me.

From the past will comes a future;

What it holds a mystery.

Unrevealed until its season,

Something God alone can see.

In our end is our beginning;

In our time, infinity;

In our doubt there is believing,

In our life, eternity.

In our death, a resurrection;

At the last, a victory,

Unrevealed until its season,

Something God alone can see.

~Natalie Sleeth~