changes

Monday, April 02, 2007 T: 22 30

Changes. They are so inevitable. I suppose we need them in order to progress, in order to evolve, in order to lead what we call better lives. Technology rapidly advances. I have come from a time when people once use coins only to take buses, hesitant to put money in a piece of plastic called the fare-card. I have come from a time where only tape recorders existed. Things have changed now, due to the demand for higher efficiency and effectiveness. I know I must be thankful for them.

In some sense, I hate changes, hate moving from comfort zone, moving from a routine I’m used to and delight myself in, hate the changing of environment – landing into yet another unfamiliar zone where I must re-establish my comfort zone. Maybe that’s why I would consider myself boring and would rather be alone enjoying being alone doing things on my own. Maybe that’s why I would rather do backstage work than be under the spotlight, doing work which some would refer as ‘sai gang’, work that probably receive no acknowledgement when done well, work that however get me criticized even when problems are not a result of my blunders. In some ways, I have tell myself to not mind all that insults, and just enjoy doing what I’m supposed to do alone. Maybe that’s why I choose accountancy as my subject in university. I don’t think I’ll mind staying back late to finish all the accounts. It’ll get frustrating and boring after a while, after months of long hours and little breaks, but it seem to promise me little need for too much social interaction. It’s a matter of getting used to.

I’ve always taught myself to taking things as it comes. There will be a way no matter what. There had to be. In my opinion, that has always been the key to leading a contented life, though I do have some vision of what my life in future will be like. Boring no doubt, but comfortable and relaxing. In that dream, that vision, I’ll be stuck in the same old house up to age 35, gradually furnishing my room into my own paradise. That’s when I’ll be eligible to apply for my own flat, when I’ll get a dog, a cat and a bird. I’ll begin simply, building it up from scratch, to finally a place where I can call home. I’ll be drawing a salary of 3 to 5 thousand, eating at the same stalls everyday, doing almost the same thing every weekday. I’ll take long walks with my dog every night, armed with a mp3 player while traveling the distances. I’ll go back from church every Sunday to the same old desert stall, savoring a bowl of BoBoChaCha as I’ve always done. I’ll spend my free time on novels by brilliant authors like Lescorat, Roberts, and Archer, writing my journals as I’ve always done for the past eight to nine years. I’ll consider going back to serve at church, doing the sound and lcd again, helping out with the logistics dept if my help is ever needed. I think I’ll still be relying on public transport. With the circle line and so many other lines under development, I don’t see why private transportation will be a necessity in the long run. This will be my life. There shall not be going to be much disruptions. Something bugs at me though… should the dogs, cats and birds come in pairs?

I wish I’m still a kid. There seem to be so many changes at the moment. I’ve to keep thinking about my tertiary education, worry about school fees, contemplate how to make ends meet as a student, how I can be independent of at the very least my family. My social environment seems to keep changing. Just when I thought I finally made better friends after 3 months of BMT, I’m sent to OETI with a class of probably 30 new faces, 40 new people to work with. And after that, I’ll be going for On Job Experience at some other unit, where I’m supposed to put my new knowledge and skills to practical use under the watchful eyes of more experienced and new people. And after 2 months, I’ll be again flew to another unit for the actual thing. Even in church, I seem to be not spared. People seem to come and go. The number of regulars seem to be drop. Even leaders change. The entire church changes. PUNJ, a place where I think I know 90% of the people some time ago, seems to be changing into a place full of strangers whose names I do not know. There seems to be millions of names to recall now, as I struggle to put names to faces so frequently. I wish everyone will wear their names somewhere on their clothes. Things would have gotten much simpler. I guess I always try to take the easier way out. A time might even come when I will totally desert my comfort zone for a year, if I do receive a overseas posting for my army vocation, when I’ll be plunged into a different culture, a different land. I’ll embrace them – changes – positively though, at least as much as possible. After all, all roads lead to Rome.

Thankfully, God never change. His personality stays the same. His laws stay the same. His love stays the same. His grace stays the same. His perfection will eternal. At the very least, I could always fall back on this foundation and know that it’ll never collapse, even if my world may one day do so.