on education and ambitions

Tuesday, 1 March 2005 T: 13 45

A while ago, I was disconcerted with the NIE advertisement that appeared in my mailbox several weeks ago. Rumours had it that recipients of that letter would attain an ‘O’ level pass of around 17 points. Naturally, anxiety and perturbation got the better of my rationale. I tried means and ways to escape from the haunting reality. (at least until I get my results yesterday) I complained and grumbled, gradually overwhelmed by hopelessness. Yet in the midst of this period of distress, I suddenly found peace in the sovereignty of God, found consolation in the same words that Jesus prayed at the garden of Gethesamane – “Not my will, but yours be done”. Thou wilt show me the way. Perhaps I am blinded in the hunger for victory and success to see the greater picture. Where does God want me to go?

Presently, I am contented with the revelation of my grades. It is not the impeccable six that many strived for. Just a ten. Nevertheless, I am gratified and elated when I knew my results. (Of course, I do am disturbed with my B3 in English. It seems to suggest the destruction of this blog.) I prayed to God more earnestly over the past few days (funny how prayers only take place when there are requests), more in response to the bit of wisdom imparted to me, that I will work hard in spite of whatever I’ll get, with His help, to be diligent and studious. And now, I know very well that it does not matter whether I end up in VJ or ACJ. Both are excellent institutes anyway. The courage of making such a promise on one hand comes from God, yet I can’t help but wonder it came from the realisation of my ambition.

Less than a year ago, I always prefer to take one day at a time. Thinking far seems a waste of time, since it’ll lead to death eventually anyway. Astonishingly, it is just an acquaintance who brainwashed me of such a thought, not my mother, not even one who I have great respect for, just someone more than a stranger on the street. I guess I began working out what I really want to do when I grow up, even though there is a likelihood that it’ll never be fulfilled, but at least it gives me a target and finishing line that I must run to. So, I set out to consider the several professions in society.

The professional liars? No, public speaking is never my forte. Further, the notion of the probability of defending a guilty party such that he is acquitted does not at all justify my duties and faith as a Christian.

Politics? I wouldn’t yearn to be a second Dr Chee. (Ironically, my surname is Chee also.) And the idea of being a civil servant (lackey?) does not appeal to me. Together with the country’s type of governance – indirect democracy an d perhaps mornachy, I know I would never want to be in the dangerous world of politics.

As for surgery, I am known for my clumsiness. A slice of the heart instead of the lungs would cost me my job and as well as the life of an innocent.

I was walking down the street yesterday after a few hours of Lanning. Once again, I saw the fat black cat (with white patches of fur). There was a man (doesn’t looks Singaporean) playing with her. I was slightly shocked to see him touching her paws and even put his fingers in her mouth. He did not at all flinch, and he remained unhurt. In normal circumstances, I would never talked to a stranger, yet curiosity of this animal-lover got the better of me. I thought I learn a lot in the 5 min talk with him. Many people feared animals, be it dogs or cats. They feared their bites and claws. They also failed to understand them. Just like the incident of Stanley and the cat, she is just being playful and knows how to keep her claws. When she bite, she used her small teeth that do no damage at all. It is then I know my fears at time were uncalled for.

“You understand animals very well huh?” I asked.

“If we don’t understand animals, how do we understand men? Men are just something more than animals, except that they kill each other,” he replied.

How ironic indeed! Men would love to consider themselves, in all their pride and arrogance, to be the rulers and kings of the world, way above the beasts and the birds. And there they are, angered of the threats that the wild beasts displayed, furious at the few lives of their own that the beasts have taken, when in actual fact they took the lives of thousands of beasts and birds, and worse of all, they are their own predators and prey! The beasts of the wild kill for food, for survival. The beasts of the cities kill for decoration, for ornaments, for vengeance, for recreation. They torture, torment their captives. Eating monkey brain out of a live monkey! Such atrocities!

No, I do not wish to spend the entire of my life serving men. I shall be a vet, I shall study zoology, I shall understand animals, know their peaceful and gentle ways.